The person who farted, especially in a room full of people, can’t be detected right away. Plus, the fact that it would be noisy at the time of farting, the sound would have been muzzled and absorbed by all the noise in the room.
And that person would be embarrassed to come out in front and be identified.
So, what would be a nice and courteous thing to say to a farting person who refuses to be identified?
Although it is very unpleasant to be surprised by bad smells, try to maintain a certain level of politeness towards the person responsible. If possible, leave the scene or express your dissatisfaction with a simple “Pardon you!” so that everyone knows that you are not the suspect.
Benefits of farting
The average human being breaks wind 14 to 23 times a day. At most times, a fart is odorless and not even detectable. At times it could be louder, depending on what you ate.
Occasionally, it is very smelly, especially if you have not moved your bowels for two days or more. But it could also be a warning sign of an underlying medical condition.
It is the various gases that make farts stink. There are small quantities of hydrogen, carbon dioxide, and methane that combine with hydrogen sulfide and ammonia in a person’s large intestine. Then, this horrible combination is pumped out of the anus in the form of a stinky fart! Whew!
A good farting streak will tell you that your diet is balanced.
Your daily nutrition should always include vegetables, fruits, lean protein, and grains and it will reflect on your fart.
You have to fart if you feel like you want to because you will feel abdominal pain if you hold in your gas. It also helps in your colon functions and reduces the risk of you bloating.
Heed your fart because it can tell you that something is medically happening to you. When you eat certain foods or drink certain beverages, it could mean that you are allergic to such things that you consume when you fart sometimes right after taking them into your body.
If you’re the person who farts a lot, it’s bad for your health if you control it. You would be thankful if it were to happen in a wide and breathable space because you can just excuse yourself and just walk several meters away and do your farting thing. And then everything will be not an issue anymore.
But if you’re in a meeting or a restaurant or anywhere where everyone else is just some feet away, you can control it only up to a certain point of you perspiring and you’re not comfortable anymore.
If you can leave the room and poop, it will solve your and everybody else’s problem.
You won’t have a problem of farting anymore, for the next several hours, if you let the toxins out.
How to minimize your farts
If you want to get out of the situation of being constantly embarrassed by your farts, you can do some things to minimize the tendency of you breaking wind in public.
- Eat and drink whatever you consume at a slower speed so you will swallow less air. At the same time, you get to enjoy the taste of your food and drinks more.
- Try to eat smaller and more meals in a day. This reduces the stress wrought on your digestive system if you eat regularly large quantities of food in one sitting.
- Do regular exercise. This moves gas out of your digestive system. Instead of toxins going out of your body through farting, exercise makes the toxins exit your body through healthy perspiration and better moving of your bowels.
Examples of what to say and how to react when someone farts
It depends on how well you know the person who farted.
Being the fartee (the receiver or the victim of the fart), you might say:
“What was that?”
“Was that an angel’s whisper?”
“Not again. Can you keep that to yourself?”
Say this as kind of a silent insult especially if the farting person doesn’t have the courtesy or ethics of even just saying apologetically Pardon me or Excuse me.
“Excuse me for a moment, please.”
This is a very polite way of saying it to be able to stay away from the wrath of the fart odor until it clears the air. Give it a few minutes, then go back to the room. In this way, you haven’t insulted anybody, including the farter.
“We’re solving the global methane shortage, are we?”
You’re saying this as an insult if you’re truly mad with the farter because you get the feeling that person didn’t try hard enough to control farting or didn’t even have the courtesy of staying away for a while and fart in some other place.
“Hey, it’s the cat (or the dog) that can’t control his gas again! Ssshh ssshh!”
If everybody in the room is on good terms with each other or knows each other, treat it as something fun that doesn’t need to escalate into an argument.
No comment at all. Unless it’s somebody close to you. Let it pass. If you want, fart back.
“Who ate a lot of cheese?”
Treat it as something to laugh about, and blame it on cheese which could cause flatulence.
Just like what you say to a person who just sneezed.
Whisper this to a child who just farted so that he or she knows a thing or two about social graces.
You say this especially when you got surprised by a sudden fart from someone near you. It’s kind of an impulsive thing to say and it could make everybody break out into laughter.
Oops, could also be exclaimed by the farter when that person also got surprised by his or her sudden break of wind. Sometimes, farts go out of you uncontrollably.
A farter is too honest if he or she acknowledges the flatulence. To admit a failure is heroic but to admit a fart is yuck! Nobody even really wants to know who farted in a room near everybody. It might even make you feel like vomiting.
“That’s a good one. Keep it coming!”
This is a good-natured reaction to a fart which doesn’t mean that the commenter encourages the farter to break wind again. Rather, it discourages the farter to fart some more.
Situations when there is farting
Let’s ham it up a little and dramatize what happens when farting incidents happen in the office where everyone is in close quarters with each other. Let’s take it from the point of view of both the farter and the fartee.
- Ignore it and hope with all your heart that no one has noticed (or you will be really red in the face if all fingers point to you). This option is good if your fart was not really too loud or smelly. Or if your fart had the fortunate coincidence of happening simultaneously with something noisy like music or construction work.
- Pinch your own nose and give your neighbor at the nearby office table a blaming look. This option looks good if the source of the fart can’t be pinpointed for sure. You direct the attention of everybody to someone else.
- Being man enough to admit your flatulence. If all fingers point to you and it was really obvious that you’re the farter. You’re really unlucky when your fart blurted out at an especially quiet time in the office and your fart sounded off in one very long streaming trumpet sound. This gives everybody the chance to turn around and catch the culprit.
- Approach a person afterward who you think knows definitely that you’re the farter. Say sorry sincerely and tell that person your reason for farting and that you won’t do it again.
- Disregard it and don’t make an issue out of it.
- React in a way that you really felt annoyed and offended by the fart. This makes the farter more careful the next time around, especially when he is near you when he has realized how sensitive you are to farts or anything that is socially unacceptable.
- React with humor through cracking of jokes. This defuses the situation right away and makes people go back to work easily and more refreshed especially when everybody had a good laugh about the fart.
- Get an air freshener spray and fizz it around the room. In this way, you’re doing everybody a favor by making the room smell more pleasant.