How Do You Respond To A Declined Invitation?


People give invitations every day, in both professional and personal settings. You may offer an invitation to a friend to accompany you on a trip, share lunch with you and your team, or represent your organization at a conference.

In any of these cases, your invitation may be declined and you have to respond courteously.

Politely thank them for notifying you on time about the decline of the invitation and reiterate your interest in meeting at a later date instead. Avoid speculation about the real reasons and focus on the remaining guests instead.

Don’t Take it Personally

When your invitation has been declined, you may feel a sense of rejection. It doesn’t matter whether it’s in a personal or professional setting. You offered something to someone, and they said no.

This blow is often easier to take if the person declining did so politely. However, sometimes individuals are flippant or may even add a negative element to their own response. That can cause you to react in a heated manner and make the situation worse.

It’s important to take a deep breath and analyze what they are saying to you.

For example, if someone says that they’re unable to attend your party because they have something else scheduled, take that at face value and don’t take it personally.

You could say:

“No problem, thanks for replying”

“Thanks for letting me know. Enjoy your event.”

“I wish you could be there, but I understand.”

Respond with Grace

Sometimes people have things going on in their personal or professional life that can make them want to withdraw. It may make them fearful about refusing your invitation and yet, they prefer to do that because the alternative may be too overwhelming.

Sometimes, by showing a little grace, compassion, or understanding to them, you can help them to deal with whatever is going on in their own life. [1]

You could respond with:

“It means a lot to me that you reached out.”

“I completely understand.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll be able to enjoy other parties together.”

“I appreciate that you took the time to let me know in advance.”

“We will all miss you!”

If you weren’t expecting your birthday invitation to be declined, you may wonder why. Similarly, an invitation to a baby shower may be declined and leave you wondering what happened.

You don’t know what’s going on and the person may need a kind word at that time. You don’t know if they’ve lost a child and haven’t told you or they’re struggling in some other area.

Gain Understanding

Many people find it easier to respond neutrally or even positively to a declined invitation if they understand why their invitation wasn’t accepted.

It’s often best to ask questions about what is happening if you’re not sure or are likely to jump to conclusions.

For example, if you invite a company to take over all of your shipping after handling 70% of your business successfully, they may say no because they have limited resources. You might not know that, but you may wonder if it’s because your shipping rates are too low.

They may not want to volunteer the information because they may want their shipping company to appear to have more resources at their disposal than they actually do.

Asking a few questions might help you to gain a better understanding of what is guiding their refusal to do more business with you.

You could say:

“Would you be able to handle all of the shipping at some point in the future?”

“Would we need to renegotiate the contract?”

“Is there anything in our current arrangement that you would like to adjust?”

Questions like these can allow them to open up about the real reason why they’re declining the invitation to further your professional connection. These questions are not judgmental, and they invite discussion.

If the person doesn’t seem to want to give information but you’re fairly sure that it has nothing to do with you, you may want to avoid further questions. Their reason for declining may one that they don’t want to share.

For example, they might not have anything to wear to your party. They may even have an illness that is cyclic or even embarrassing, and they don’t want to explain that to you.

Accept It

When someone writes you a letter or sends you an email to let you know that they cannot attend your event or otherwise take up the invitation that you’ve extended, let them know that you accept it.

If you don’t let them know that you accept their decision, they could be uncertain about your own feelings or reaction.

Ensure that your tone is positive. Don’t say things that are manipulative or are likely to induce a sense of shame for not attending. Don’t mention who will be there or who wasn’t invited, if it’s in an attempt to make them feel left out.

Say:

“Thanks for telling me ahead of time.”

“Thanks for letting me know you won’t be there.”

“Thanks for emailing me to tell me.”

Don’t Burn Bridges

Whenever someone declines your initiation, you may be tempted to say something mean because your feelings have been hurt. It’s important to take a good look at how you are feeling, acknowledge your feelings but don’t cause damage to the relationship that you have with the person.

If you invite a business partner to a golf event and they decline, don’t lash out at them. If you invite a neighbor to a barbecue and they decline, don’t retaliate. Doing so damages the relationship further.

Simply say:

“No problem. Maybe next time.”

“I wanted you to be at the barbecue Kim. Would you like me to send over a lunch box for you?”

“There’s another event in March. Would you be interested in that one?”

“I feel hurt because I wanted you to be there, but I understand that you have to go to that meeting.”

It’s important to try to forgive at the pace you can manage.

Some people may not think about a declined invitation much afterward, but some do, especially when they may have thought long and hard about offering that invitation. Perhaps you invited someone out on a date after being interested in them for years.

Sometimes, an adult who has waited for a long time to reach out to a parent who abandoned them early in life has that invitation rejected. That kind of rejection really hurts, and it is easy to allow bitterness to start to grow in your heart.

It’s important to try to forgive, for your own sake, because if you don’t it can affect the way you feel when new possibilities for relationships arise.

If you invite someone to do business with you and they outright refuse, even though it would benefit you both, it’s easy to take offense.

However, if any bridge-burning is to be done, try not to let it be on your side. If at all possible, leave a path open for you to benefit from a relationship with them in the future.

Leave A Door Open

An opportunity may not have been taken up as readily as you hoped. Perhaps you thought your invitation would be welcomed with enthusiasm and you may wonder if the individual has a personal issue with you.

If you’ve asked questions that indicate that isn’t the case and they’ve declined for a reason that has nothing to do with you, ensure that you leave a door open.

Consider saying:

“I’ll WhatsApp you the pictures. Maybe you’ll be able to attend next year.”

“We will live stream the wedding as well. We’re sorry that you couldn’t come.”

“I’ll be sure to tell you in advance when we’re having our next camping trip.”

“Tanks for emailing to let me know. When the truck is repaired, we would love to have you handle those deliveries for us.”

“Since you can’t make it to the hen night, maybe you and I could do something together.”

Move On

Whether your group will be smaller after an invitation was declined or you’ll have one less avenue for accomplishing your goals, you can’t remain in the same position for too long.

If you have a party that other people will be attending, aim to get over the hurt of a loved one not being there and instead, focus on the needs of those who will be in attendance.

Those guests also need you to give 100% so you’ll have to put on your best face and not let the way you treat them to be affected by what you’ve recently experienced. In the same way, it’s easy to take a romantic rejection hard and you may even think that all men or women don’t like something about you or aren’t interested in relating to you in the way you desire.

It’s not a good idea to become too fixated on the rejection. There will always be people who decline invitations for their own reasons. There will be many more who want to accept the invitation that you offer.

Move on and keep living your life, doing business, and experiencing growth. [2]


Sources:

[1]: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romantically-attached/201607/how-respond-romantic-rejection-grace

[2]: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-art-endings/201102/what-it-takes-walk-away

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